It’s no surprise to anyone that knows me, I really am NOT a fan of Walmart. My motto with them is, “Save money, live better, don’t ask where it really came from, Walmart.” But, another no big surprise, I’m a hypocrite. I shop at Sam’s Club.
Now seriously, you try having two kids under 2, all in diapers. Buying 176 size 4 diapers for 32 dollars is much more appealing than buying a ‘jumbo’ pack of Huggies for the same price minus 100 of those diapers. OK, perhaps it’s not that much of a price gap, but where else can you shamelessly buy things in bulk? One of my favorite Sam’s Club buys apart from the regular necessities of diapers, wipes and peanut butter are Crasins. I mean, seriously, a freaking huge bag of Crasins for 7 dollars? Awesome! Not to mention it finally puts those teeny-tiny Tupperware to use. (I mean seriously, they give you 4 of these tiny things and half the time I never know what to do with 1!)
Recently, I cleaned out my ‘linen closet’ and sorted through the necessities, ie: contact solution, 72 oz of conditioner, 8 toothbrushes, 3 tubes of toothpaste, 144 hair ties, 5 boxes of Qtips… I find it important to know exactly when I’m getting low on such items. I then realized that Claire was down to three diapers. Three. Now sure, she’s peeing on the potty. And of course, what I mean is she’s peeing on the potty when she feels like it. So basically she pees on the potty every 10th pee or so every other day. I panicked. I had to work a 12 hour shift the next day, and was leaving the kids in Matt’s care. Unleashing him in a Sam’s Club is like unleashing a pothead in Jamaica. “…but it’s in bulk!” he’ll say to me. Part of me has never been more proud, however, the other half is still wondering when we’ll ever get through 5 canisters of Chlorox wipes.
Now, what I usually do is a click ’n pull, which is great, because I sit at home, cool, calm, and collected, and rationally order my items for pick up. However, it was too short notice to have that done and I just had to hope to God that the bright lights and high ceilings didn’t nab Matt. I was rather impressed. Matt stuck to the list famously, and even made the comment of, “I saw Raisin Bran Crunch there, but I didn’t want you to yell at me, so I didn’t get it.” (However, I did buy him a box at Giant Eagle today for twice the price I’m sure.)
Then there’s the wide eyed “what the hell did I just get myself into, I’m overwhelmed” shopper. They’re funny. They walk around with their giant double wide card and put things in, then take them out, then put them back in.
The “I’ll find a use for this, I’m sure” shopper is a personal favorite to watch. Especially when they’re with someone else. I love hearing their rationale regarding why it’s such a great investment. “But honey,” they’ll say, “you’ve said you’ve always wanted to start taking Fish Oil. Now you’ll have a 3 year supply!”
I think I fall into the “holy shit, I never knew they made THAT in bulk!” shopper. I don’t think that really needs an explanation.
Finally there’s the “how the hell did I just spend that much money” shopper. They’re pretty much every shopper except for the first one with the calculator. This shopper always appears right after the cashier hands them their receipt. (Shortly after, the “I’ll find a use for this, I’m sure” shopper then rationalizes that this was an investment for the future, and they won’t have to buy it for a long time.)
Now of course, when you first walk into the warehouse, the vast array of 60 inch LCD or plasma TVs are a great distraction. I often think to myself, well, at least I’m not going to be spending that much money. So I guess, I should thank Sam’s Club for softening the blow of my 200 dollar trip on gum and mandarin oranges.
Oh Sam’s Club. What a love-hate relationship we have.
Now please excuse me while I take my awesome organizational skills and figure out where the heck to put my 7 pound bag of Crasins.