God Bless Celexa
I just got back from rocking Luca back to sleep for the millionth time since apparently he thinks that napping was created by the devil and so he should protest it at all costs. 20 minutes isn’t a nap, my dear. A cat nap, perhaps, but not a human nap.
So while I was rocking and rocking and rocking…getting more and more frustrated, I looked to my right. On the wall is a circular photo holder that is a swirl and has about 12 photos of the kids on it. I saw one inparticular and smiled. And suddenly it hit me. This is why I do it.
In case y’all forgot, I was having a hard time after the birth of Luca and had a touch of PPD. My doctor then put me on Celexa. Let me tell you: I hate meds. I hate taking a freaking Tylenol for a headache. So it really took a lot out of me to even open the bottle and swallow the pill. However, after talking to my therapist she described that PPD is similar to Bipolar, meaning, both are a chemical imbalance that can only be cured with medication. Once I ‘retrain’ my brain to make those chemicals Celexa makes for me now, I’ll be able to come off the drug.
Anyways, to update since the last update, I’m feeling back to normal. So normal in fact I went to the gym at 6 this morning. I haven’t done that in a while. And when I came home, I didn’t stop, no! I wanted to sit with the family to eat breakfast. I didn’t care if my computer was turned on or not. I didn’t want to watch t.v. I wanted to dance around the livingroom with my special little lady and our dancing ribbons. (I get the red one, Claire gets the orange one.)
I happily put the kids’ photos in the frames for the bookshelf and smiled at the wonderful beings I have created. I thought to myself, damn I’m good. And that felt great.
Claire has even noticed a difference. She used to always sit with Matt when we’d be vedging on the couch. Or she’d want to follow him everywhere. Now it’s more balanced. And she cried when I left for the gym yesterday. She actually missed me. This is the kid who would get mad at me when I’d just sit and stare and not pay her any attention. Now she’s sick of me paying attention. She said to me, and I quote, “Don’t Mama, no!” When I tried to build blocks with her. When I said, “Why, Claire?” She said, “Mama, my toy!” (Someone’s second birthday is coming up. Lucky me.)
Oh, and this is the photo:
And yes I know it’s blurry. But it’s beautiful to me.