A few days ago I was at the gym like always. Can I just say I love to people watch? I do. So when I go in the evening, I notice the same people and their habits.
I was up on the second floor using the Arc Trainer when I saw the Gallagher lookalike lifting like he usually does. Then after he was done he came up to use the stairmaster next to me. I listen to my music relatively loud, however nothing could mute the sounds I heard coming from him. It was a mix between a cat in heat, a heart attack and a cow dying. I looked to my left and saw the picture of the AED defibrillator picture on the mirror, signifying that they had one in house, just in case. Hell if I wanted to use it. But you never know. I mean, my gym does specialize in Silver Sneakers.
Anyways, I was the happiest girl in the world when the timer alarmed letting me know when I was done. I quickly cleaned the machine and exited stage left. But the sounds didn’t stop there.
I went downstairs to where the weights and machines are. There was a rather large man doing the dead lifts. Now I’ve seen the Worlds Strongest Man competition before, so those sounds shouldn’t surprise me, but good god. One can only imagine what he sounds like in bed. It must have been the dying cow hour, because he, too sounded like a cow near death but something else…what was it? It was almost like he was reverting back to puberty. The Brady Bunch episode where Peter’s voice beings changing came to mind. “When it’s time to change you’ve got to REARRANGE!” He was squeaky, then low, then squeaky. It was terrible! No amount of The Roots could clear that sound out of my mind.
Then there was the woman who enjoyed the squat machine a little too much…
Of course, where I was lifting was near the racket ball courts, and we all know about racket ball and grunting.
I went home and took a cold shower.