I’m not alone


Post Luca fall: day one.

He’s fine. There’s not a single bump or bruise or remnant of yesterdays debacle. Must be that good Norwegian blood flowing through his veins.

Last night I was so sad. I don’t know how else to describe it. I was really, very happy that Luca was fine, but I felt like such a failure as a mother. First of all, I was petrified that I’d get locked up in jail because they’d look at my history with PPD and figure I did it on purpose. Not to mention when I was at the hospital, Claire didn’t have any shoes on. I don’t know if I mentioned that or not, but she didn’t. I ran out of the house so quickly that I didn’t put shoes on her. I also didn’t wear a coat and it was a happy 12 degrees out and I was wearing my work out capris and white tee…with blood stains on it. I looked like a deranged mother at her wit’s end.

I also felt like a failure because I knew better. Luca is Speed Racer. Anything longer than 2 seconds is 2 seconds too long and he’s outta here. I knew that. What the hell was I thinking leaving that door open? Especially with him so damn close. I wasn’t thinking. That was the problem.

So of course, I had posted on my facebook that I was a damn schmuck and should be stripped of all Motherly duties. Here’s the response I got:

Other people have had it happen to themselves! Parents, kids…it was amazing. I didn’t feel like the only mother in the world that sucked and I was doing an OK job. Yes, now I’m going to be a hell of a lot more observant with Luca (he’s a pistol) but I don’t have to hate myself anymore. As my step-dad put it:

“I can’t imagine how scary that must’ve been for you.  I’m guessing you’re probably going to be beating yourself up for this, and that’s okay–for a little bit.  But what happened was an accident–nothing more.  Take your cue from Luca–things happen, you learn what you need to learn, then move on.  And yeah, I know that’s easy to say because he’s all right, but that is the point–he’s all right.”

He’s all right.

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About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on January 5, 2010, in Cassie, chaos and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Your stepdad is one smart dude 🙂

  2. Why do you think there is this saying when one does something stupid: “What did they do? Drop you on your head as a child?” It’s there because nearly every child has been dropped, squished, bumped, and bruised. Now Luca has an excuse and something to hang over his mother’s head for the rest of his life. 🙂 My father fell out of moving car as a child and it ran over his leg. He now wears the little scar like some sort of war medal.

    Glad everyone is okay.

    • Cassie or Carly

      See, it’s so true. I knew I wasn’t alone, but hell, now Luca really can hold something over me. Fine with me!

  3. Oh Cass, I just now read the whole thing. I think every single mother has been there in one way or another. I can think of incidents with both my girls that scared the shit out of me and taught me a lesson. I’m lucky (for now) with Louie because he’s been such a little lump that didn’t want to move anywhere. That’s all over – he’s walking now. . .or should I say, trying to run.
    Maddie, my oldest at 13, was the experimental child (as the oldest always is) and she was a mere few months old when I came down the steps with her on my hips, holding the railing with my other hand, when she decided it was a fine time to do the baby backflip. Caught her by her leg, I did but I’m almost positive the look on my brother’s face was a mirror image of mine. Funny, she asked the other day, if she was dropped on her head as a baby (because she’s kind of flighty and airheaded, like my mom). I turned around, right then, and said, “NOOO, I caught you at the last second.” :o)
    Laynie, who is now 5, has been to the emergency room more times than the rest of us put together in her short 5 years. We have a house that all the rooms are connected on the first floor, so you can run laps, literally. So, like a good mom, I was chasing her around when she walked right out of her shoes, tripped over them and fell forehead first into the corner of the baseboard. 5 stitches. My fault.
    I know that, with 2 brothers, my family was in the ER at least biweekly and my parents are SO lucky that they didn’t ask questions like they do now. It was always something sports/play related, but when the same 3 kids visit the same ER 1-2 a month at least, well you know how we look at stuff like that now.
    Oh and he can’t hang it over your head if you don’t tell him. :o)

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