a phone call of desperation




“…hello, this is Nicole. Leave me a message.”

“Hey, it’s me. I have to bitch for a second. How was my day you ask? It was full of piss and crap. Piss. And Crap. Now tell me one thing. Here’s a scenario. Follow with me. You’re walking down the hall with a cute old guy who’s 90-million years old and he’s telling you he wants to kill himself. Then, a coworker comes out of another one of your patient’s room and says they peed all over the bed. Then, instead of helping, goes and sits. I mean, really? Really? Then. Right as I’m about to walk down the hall to make my get-away, my patient’s bed alarm goes off. So I sprint down the hall and get there just in time as she’s falling out of bed. I mean, I caught her just in time. But don’t worry, her brief was FULL of crap. AGAIN. Like I said: Piss and Crap. Piss. And Crap. K, bye.”






“I’m SO sorry I missed your call. I JUST got it. Wow. You had a crappy day.”

“Ha, that’s humor. I like it.”

“Was it a 12 hour shift?”

“Yes. I don’t mind 12 hour shifts, usually. This time just really sucked. I was pretty much slammed all day. Everyone needed to pee or poop and they couldn’t walk. So I did the lifting. My back hurts.”


“It’s my own fault, I suppose. I insisted that my lady become un-constipated. So I made her drink Mag Citrate after the enema didn’t work.”


“It was like someone turned on a friggin faucet.”

“Yah…I hate it when that happens.”

“So yah, like I said before. Piss. And crap.”


About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on April 4, 2010, in Cassie and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Sounds like days like that make one wish they were an accountant.

  2. Um, yeah…

    Not sure what I should say here…

    Being, you know, an editor and a writer and what-all, I very rarely have to deal with human…excrement.

    Oh, wait, I know:



  3. This is why there is that brand spankin’ new nurses’ wing in heaven.

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