today feels never ending…

…and it’s only noon. So random blog time!

1. Last night Luca woke up at 4 AM because his diaper was wet. I laid in bed for a minute, hearing him whimper, thinking he may go back to bed. Then he proceeded to cry, and on the first inhale after his scream, he made this high pitched sound that could only be described as: Croup.

I changed his diaper, and he promptly fell back asleep, no problem. I was petrified. So I called the doctor on call, who happens to be Matt’s primary physician. He’s super duper nice. I apologized a million times and told him what was up. He explained that if he was comfortable, there was no reason to worry. Apparently there are tons of cases of croup going around right now. That and ear infections. (Which I just went through with Claire two weeks ago.)

This is stressful because 1.) Claire was never sick until … well, shortly after Luca was born, so this is still relatively new to me and 2.) Matt’s out of town.

2. I didn’t rinse out the bucket well enough when I went to mop the floors, and there was still some oxyclean in the bucket. My hardwoods look terrible…so I have to re-mop. Ick.

3. There is snot everywhere. I already showered this morning and am already covered in it again. Well, from my knees down, well within Luca’s target area. Oh, my shoulders, too. Why not smear it in some more, right?

4. The screaming. The screaming… it never ends. It started last evening when I decided it was time for Luca to go to bed. Not only is he sick, but he’s getting his upper molars, too. Double bonus! He’s been off and on grumpy today. And what makes me so sad for him is that he wants to be happy. He really, really wants to be happy.

5. I’m having one of those days where it’s really hard to remember my identity. Other than going to the gym yesterday, I had no adult interaction. Ditto to today. It starts to wear down a person. And I run out of things to clean and organize. Especially when the kids come by and dirty and mess it up.

6. I ordered some new fabrics from etsy.com (my guilty pleasure) to make some pillows, which came today, but I can’t sew it yet until my MIL drops off the sewing machine. But the fabrics are really, really pretty. I swear.

7. Dora the Explorer is by far the most annoying cartoon on the face of the planet. I have a reoccurring dream where I find the girl who does the voice for her and choke her. Not pleasant.

8. Matt’s birthday is June 26th. I know what he’s getting!

9. Oh, and this too! I mean, you can’t have one without the other.

10. You know what I never understood? The Staples “That was easy” button.

11. I am such a sucker for accents. When I called the hotel in Montreal this morning to talk to Matt, the female receptionist who answered the phone turned me on a little.

12. Random fact of the day: Not a single witch was burned at the stake after being convicted in the Salem witch trials. (Most were hanged.)

13. When I was in high school one of our class idiots…I mean clowns, would ask Miss Miller to say, “Hanged,” over and over again, because he “didn’t understand why it wasn’t hung.” Pervert.

14. One of my favorite blogs ever posted a blog that hit near my heart. I could totally feel for The Guy while he wrote about stay at home parenting woes. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies. However, I’d like to add, those women: you know who you are…if you intentionally go out of your way to make someone feel uncomfortable, you are a really, really mean person. Why can’t everyone be welcome? So what if he couldn’t breast feed. He would have if he could!

My favorite excerpt, if you will:

“I made it through those tough times, but I remember little. Mostly I  remember feelings and emotions, not actual events. However, on the days when one of my kids would do or say something of special note, the layer of film would lift from me, and I understood clearly why I was doing what I was doing.”

Guy, you took every last word out of my mouth on that one.

I may no longer be on my medication for the postpartum depression, but I’m still not perfect. I know I’m OK without the meds, but I still feel that ‘film’ that he describes from time to time. That’s natural. It’s from being alone, being responsible and being isolated.

Kudos to you for being so honest.

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About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on May 11, 2010, in Cassie and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I’m totally with you about accents. They automatically add hotness points, depending on where they’re from.

    I love the Easy Button commercials. I totally want one, even if it doesn’t work.

    The Guys rule!

    Overall, I’m just happy to be an Uncle.

    • Cassie or Carly

      The Guys DO rule. Carly used to work for Staples. Maybe she has one of those buttons laying around.

  2. 1. We need photos of these fabrics.

    2. LOVE The Guy’s post! Awesomely touching.

  3. Great post featuring the bitter with the sweet. My wife and I were never able to have kids. Having seen a lot of my friends go through the various stages of child rearing, I have often found myself going back and forth between feeling grateful for the freedom we have to do anything we want at the drop of a hat to feeling completely envious of watching those “little future people” growing from being totally dependent on you… to putting up with you… to rebelling against you… to appreciating all you have done as they start the cycle themselves.

    Know that this stage of life will not last forever. (And that you will miss it when it’s gone.) Know that it’s hard. Know that it’s a gift.

    • Cassie or Carly

      See, this is what blogging is all about. Personal stories, support and a respectable look at life. Thank you Carpetbagger. I really, really needed that. I’m so sorry for you two. Not that having kids is it, but if you’ve tried and were unable, that’s hard. I have a friend going through that. It’s hard to watch, I can’t imagine what it’s like to be going through. I do try, I really do. Some days, it’s just harder than others.

  4. Thanks for the awesome props Cassie….and/or Carly. We appreciate it.

    Your random thoughts don’t seem so random to me. That’s the kind of thinking that happens when you’re home all day, alone, and going nuts. Hang in there.

    Carpetbagger makes a great point, but damn it’s hard to appreciate the moment sometime.

    FYI: Something happened with our site again, so that post, “Coffee Saved Me” is no longer up. I’m hoping to repost with another one soon. We lost five posts. Annoying. I guess it’s all part of the transition to the new site. But the podcast is finally up. It might give you something to do during the long day. 🙂 Take care!

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