Happy birthday, little-man.
Happy birthday my beautiful little Luca-man. Today is a big day. This time last year I was big and pregnant and planning an induction. I just couldn’t wait for you to get here. But just like you, you came right when Mommy was ready and didn’t need to be prodded.
From the moment you came into this world, it was love at first sight. You were simply perfection. Ten little fingers and ten tiny toes, eyes as grey as a stormy sky and a head full of wispy blonde hair.
We’ve been through a lot this past year, little-dude. You were there with your Mommy through thick and thin. Through the fog of postpartum depression and the late night feedings to Claire wanting to hold you, then quickly changing her mind and dropping you on your head.
You’ve been extremely patient with Mama. You even learned to self soothe by finding your thumb. My boobs thank you for that.
You never cease to amaze me. From holding your head up on your own within a few weeks to crawling at 4 months to walking fluently by 10 months. You have always been excited to learn new things and keep a very vigilant eye on your sister, learning all of her tricks, good and bad.
Your first word was Mama. I’d like to think that’s because you love your Mommy so much…We’ll stick with that.
Your first phrase was “Uh oh.” And for good reason.
I was always so scared to have a son. Not because of the doodles. Not because of the the need for a pee-pee-tee-pee. I was afraid because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to love a son like I already loved my daughter. But you, Luca, you made having a boy so easy. You made loving you come so natural. You taught me how to be a great mother.
There were times when I doubted my ability to parent. Times I thought I wasn’t good enough. Nights I’d cry myself to sleep, thinking I’d be such a terrible mother for my children. But Luca…you took all those fears away from me. You, with your genuine love for life; Your easy going, laid back manner made it so easy to love… So easy to do what comes so natural to me now.
I want to thank you for that, Little-buddy. I want to thank you every day for giving me the courage to seek help when I didn’t feel satisfactory. When you would look at me with those big blue eyes, searching my soul, asking me why I wasn’t being the Mommy you knew me to be, I knew I needed to get help. You did that. I know it’s a lot of stuff to sit on your little one-year-old baby brain, but there it is. You are the reason I get out of bed every morning. The reason I look forward to every day. You are the most amazing little boy I have ever come to know and I am so grateful for that.
Tonight, when I put you down in your crib for bed, I told you, “You are the most amazing little creature. Never change. I love you so much,” and you looked at me and smiled like you understood what I said.