a call from the edge II


Nicole: Hello?

Me: I think I’m going to be sick.

Nicole: Why? What happened?

Me: I think I just shoplifted. I was at Ikea, right? In the do-it-yourself checkout line. Claire was “helping” by putting things from the cart onto the already paid pile. So I was trying to keep everything straight while not trying to miss an item. It wasn’t really busy and the lady who was in charge of the self checkout was helping Claire not to drop things and put them back into my cart. I looked at her and I said, “I swear to God, we’re not always this disorganized.” She smiled and laughed.

Nicole: Uh huh.

Me: So I get everything and everyone into the car and I thought to myself, wow. Only 65 dollars? I should have spent more than that, right? Then it hit me. The rug that was on the bottom of the cart. It must not have scanned.

Nicole: Nice.

Me: So I immediately panic. I think if I go back into the store, they’ll arrest me. Or take my rug from me. Or BANISH me from Ikea…forever. Plus the kids were starting to get cranky…

Nicole: Understandable. I did the same thing once. But I went back in and paid for it. A lot less chaos was going on for me. But if you’re out of the parking lot, you should be good to go.

Me: What if they took down my license plate number? Will there be cops waiting for me when I get home?

Nicole: Doubtful.

Me: *sigh* I think I should send them a check.

Nicole: That or you could just donate something somewhere of like value.

Me: I’m going to hell.

I got home and dug out my receipt. I shakily dialed the number and asked the operator to send me to returns/exchanges. I explained what happened…

Woman: I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.

Me: I didn’t pay for an item that I had thought scanned, but apparently didn’t, and now I’m calling to let you know. How can I make this right?

Woman: I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.

Me: Because I’m not a shoplifter! Can I please send you a check for the item?

Woman: I’m sorry, I’m really not understanding. Please hold.


Man: How can I help you?

Me: Sorry, did the lady tell you what happened?

Man: Yes, but I don’t understand what you are trying to do.

Me: *sigh*

Man: If you’d like to return the carpet for any reason, we will accept it back as long as the package has not been opened.

Me: You don’t understand. I never actually paid for it.

Man: Well if you have your gift receipt, that’s acceptable.

Me: No really. Really. You’re not understanding. It didn’t scan when I was in the self checkout line. I need to send a check for the price.

Man: I’m not understanding.

In the end, he didn’t understand, nor did the other woman I spoke to. I was speaking English, I swear. I’ll try again tomorrow.


About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on June 1, 2010, in Cassie. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. They are trying to tell you don’t worry about it, so don’t worry about it. You tried, they didn’t listen, that’s all you can ask for…

  2. They’ve never encountered brute honesty before in dealing with the consumer public. They’re probably trying to puzzle out what kind of long con you’re taking them on.

  3. You tried. For good karma, give a donation to charity in the amount of the rug.

    This is why I like you, by the way.

  4. Geez, first the cookie, now this… does your conscience have no limits?

    As a former retailer, I think you should go back into the store with the tag from the product and ask to pay for it. They will not make a fuss, although they may be bowled over with gratitude that such an honest customer exists.

    And if they take you away, I want it know that this was not my idea. I’d never consort with felons.

  5. I don’t understand… you were given the rug? You found the rug? What? This makes no sense. You wove the rug but stole the yarn? I don’t get it. You flew on the rug from the store because of a big, blue genie, but you didn’t make any wishes? What?

    I got nothing.

  6. FREE RUG! Just kidding; you’re going to hell.

  7. You love me so hard.

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