It was about 3 years ago, and I remember fondly, that Sweet Jesus #1 and Sweet Jesus #2 arrived to our unit at the same time.
Now typically, we’d have them during separate stays, and would constantly joke, “Do you think if they both came at the same time, would they, like, implode?”
Well, lucky for us, we got to find out.
Being as we remembered them as Sweet Jesus #1 (the female) and Sweet Jesus #2 (the male) we forgot their real names. So when I was told I was going to be getting Mrs. So and So, I thought, gosh that name sounds familiar… and when a former coworker was told she was getting Mr. So and So, she thought, uh-oh. That feels funny.
Funny? Sure is.
They arrived to the floor within five minutes of each other, and those of us who had been working there longer than a few months instantly cringed. Sweet Jesus #1 and Sweet Jesus #2 were on the floor at the same time…down the same hall.
Here’s why this was an issue.
Sweet Jesus #1 wore old-school cat glasses and scared the piss out of me. She had a voice…like nails on a chalk board and eyes that were like black slits that only lets light in. Her likes are yelling “Mary-Lou, where are you?!?” and “SWEEEEET JESUS!”
Sweet Jesus #2 was a cutie-pie who had no idea that Nixon hasn’t been president for a long time. But when the sun starts to set, he feels comfort by screaming, “Sweet Jesus!”
So you see – dueling Sweet Jesus’s.
I could feel for the other patients. I mean, the doors are only 2 inches thick of solid wood. Clearly, that’s not enough to block out the midnight serenade. To which, I reminded myself, why I love working daylight and not nights. No worries, though, I heard from my patients in the morning about what a lovely evening it had been.
One woman yelled, “Close my door and order me a box fan – STAT!”
Another told me, “All I could hear was, SWEET JESUS! sweet jesus. SWEEEEEET JESUS! sweet jesus. It was like frogs around a pond at night.”
And so it came to be. No implosion, however, I think some people were secretly wishing of such things. Not so much.
However it does make for a good story.