He’s leaving on a jet plane

Matt’s on his way to Boise, ID where apparently their airport was rated number one by the TSA in 2009. That’s hopeful.

To keep from crying (I’m pregnant and a touch emotional, damnit,) I’m going to compose a list of all the things I’ve done when people have touched my pregnant belly.

First note, I HATE it when people touch my stomach. I’m even almost against family touching me. I mean, ask. The worst I can say is no. Or as you’ll read…

1. My first experience with someone grabbing without permission was at work when a coworker started mindlessly rubbing my stomach. I asked, “Do you have an itch?” She looked at me, confused, and said, “What?” Well, you’re rubbing my stomach. I was wondering if you forgot you had a stomach of your own?” That ended that.

2. The polite rubber: Again, at work, a coworker came up and said, “Oh! I love pregnant bellies! Can I touch it?” Now, personally, I have no IDEA what some people’s obsession is with pregnant bellies. In my life I’ve touched two besides my own. Two. I looked at her and asked, “I’m so glad you asked.” As I started to move on to “But I really don’t like it when people touch my stomach. It’s kind of personal,” she was rubbing my stomach.

3. Strangers: You must have some set of balls to be able to ask a complete stranger if it’s OK to touch a pregnant belly. It’s not like you’re holding the actual baby. You’re touching skin, muscle, blood vessels, placenta, amniotic fluid, then baby. Plus, you’re only a few inches away from two separate private zones. I mean, come on! So strangers. When strangers ask me if they can touch my stomach, I politely say, “Really? Seriously?” I guess that doesn’t sound so polite, but thenagain, I don’t think it’s all that polite to ask to touch someone’s stomach. That’s just me.

One time, I said, “Why?” to a stranger who wanted to touch my stomach and they said, “Well, it’s so amazing, babies, pregnant women, growing bellies! I touch every one I see!” and I just stood there, mouth open staring. Then I said, “Well, not this one.”

4. My Mother in Law, who I love dearly, frequently forgets how much I HATE HAVING MY STOMACH TOUCHED. I’m not a touchy-feely person. But when you’re feeling the size of a house and people always comment on how you’ve ‘blossomed’ (and what is UP with THAT phrase?) and you just want to punch someone…the last thing I need is for someone who knows how I feel to ‘forget’. I feel guilty sometimes, saying “Please, don’t.” I really do. But usually, it’s my husband’s family that reminds her how I feel. “C’mon, Jul. You know she hates that. Stop it!”

5. The ultimate revenge: I read on a website (I was desperate) of how to ‘politely’ inform people that what they’re doing is annoyingly wrong. I came across this method and immediately had to try it.

I went to work thinking, c’mon…someone grab my belly. GRAB MY BELLY!

And finally, someone did.

According to the method from Parenting.com, if someone grabs your belly, grab theirs in return. See how they like it.

Baby or not, it’s called personal space. Respect it.

She looked at me, seriously confused, and said, “Why are you touching my stomach?” I said, “Well, look what you just did. How is this any different?”

That was the last time anyone at work touched my stomach.

There are a few people that I will let grab because they either A.) ask super politely B.) is my personal physician C.) is Dr. Probst because she so desperately wants a baby of her own and loves to feel for baby body parts and is so super duper nice and respects my space or D.) is my Mom or Sister or Matt. And even then I’m sometimes touchy.

There are times when I’ll grab someone’s hand and say, “Feel that?! It’s the baby’s elbow!” and that’s fine. But then, maybe I’m pissing someone off by making them grab my belly. (However, it’s only a select few I do this with…or to, rather.)

Perhaps I’m over sensitive, but it’s one of my hugest pet peeves. It’s right up there with excessive hugs, people who brag about things that they turn around and bitch about, and parents who just don’t care.

Oh, and puppy kickers. I don’t like that all that much, either.

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About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on August 8, 2010, in Cassie and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. I’d be your best freakin friend. I hate touching pregnant bellies. Love holding the baby, just hate touching the belly.

  2. UH. If somebody tried to touch my abdomen unsolicited, they’d draw back a bloody nub. I don’t blame you ONE. BIT.

  3. Your belly, your rules.

    Boy, am I glad I didn’t ask… But then, I was just happy to get the hug.

  4. I don’t know what it is with people….I just always figured if I didn’t know them well enough to let them cuddle up and rub me and put the baby IN there then they have no business even ASKING. I mean…how far would you get asking a total stranger “Can I touch your left nut?”

    It is beautiful, special, amazing…it’s also MINE. Back off, Bucko!

    As far as the hormonal thing goes…I’m STILL hormonal and my baby is almost 13 months old. I cried the other day when they showed video of different people wishing Dora the Explorer a happy birthday. (Really?) What sucks is when you’re looking at yourself along with the other people asking “What’s wrong with you?”

    But you’re pretty fortunate. They used to play that Folger’s commercial every Christmas where Peter comes home from college and makes coffee that smells so great his family wakes up. Then of course, his mom sees him standing int he kitchen and says excitedly, “Peter!” I lost it every time. I almost lost it typing about it.

    If you need to talk to someone who doesn’t think you’re a total mental case, you know where to find me. 🙂

    • Ha ha ha! I love being a mental case.

      You’re so right. What is it about having a baby in there that makes it OK to touch the belly? I just…am SO confused about that. Perhaps if the baby is kicking at the time, that seems slightly acceptable. But then, only I will know at that time. So there goes my theory of, It’s OK to touch a belly if I say it’s OK.

  5. Yuck. I’m with you. Belly touching is right up there with being asked, “Didn’t you have that baby yet?” or “Whoa, you’re huge!” well, there’s quite a few things that are annoying when pregnant.
    I promise I will not touch your belly. :o)

    • Ha, Kel. Thanks! I hate when people say, “You sure there aren’t twins in there?” or “Weren’t you just pregnant?” Oh wait – yes, I was.

      • I always hated the snide, “Haven’t you figured out what causes that yet?” I even heard that from people at church. The last time (LAST!!!) I heard that I said “Yeah.” She interrupted and said “Must be the water.” I said, “Nope. It’s the air.” She looked confused and I said, “Every time I put my legs in the air I get pregnant.”

        LAST time!

  6. Aw, man I know. So how bout this happened to me several months ago. And I WASN’T pregnant!! And it was a DUDE!! He patted my stomach (as I was standing, holding a glass of wine and a cigarette,mind you) and said, “Ohhhh, you got another one in there?” Um,no. It’s been a long,hot summer with lots of beer. It’s a beer baby, you idiot. Sheesh.

    • Beer baby! HA!

      I ALWAYS feel bad when someone asks someone who isn’t even remotely pregnant when they’re due. That just seems so mean. I also find that it’s exceptionally cruel when women who have had a baby and it’s 6 months later, and people are giving them a hard time about still looking pregnant. Back off ass!

  7. Back in the day when I was having my babies, people just didn’t do that—except one time. A guy I worked with loved touching my baby belly. I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say. Then I was clued in by a friend that for some men, this is a turn-on! There are apparently pron magazines out there devoted to the naked pics of pregnant women. My disgust from that stayed with me and from that point on, no one touched MY baby belly. Sickos!

  8. Looks like somebody needs to get this t-shirt, stat!

    You’re safe from me. Maybe it’s because my wife has never been pregnant, but it’s a little creepy for me. Not that the bellies are creepy, but me touching them would be. I’m more than contect to wait until there is an actual baby to touch.

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