An open letter to my neighbor
Dear Passive-Aggressive Neighbor Two Blocks Away:
Let me start by saying I don’t know you from Adam. Personally, after your comment today, I really could care less and less about you. Plus, I remember, you never hand out candy on Halloween. And you wanted Fred Thompson for president.
If your daily plan is to sit smugly on your front stoop, reading your Conservative propaganda after dinner and wait for some unsuspecting, fellow neighbor to walk their dog, you are one sad, sad man. Worse? You sit there for upwards of twenty minutes and wait for them to come back before you tell them that the dog is not allowed to poop in your yard. Regardless if the dog’s owner picked up the poop. Because we did.
And please, for the sake of my kids’ ears, if you ever again say, “Don’t let your dog shit on my lawn again,” in front of them, you will hear it from me. Also, there’s really no need to shout shit. I’m pretty sure I understood without the emphasis.
I think it’s safe to say that I had remained relatively calm. But seriously, dude. You need to understand that when I said, “We followed the law and picked up her poop,” I really meant that no laws were broken. And really, if you wanted to call the cops as you suggested, I’d have been more than happy to wait for them to show up. I love wasting middle-aged Republican’s times.
Also – did you realize that your long lost twin is Rush Limbaugh? Because your profile is uncanny.
Furthermore, when my husband promptly responds, “Sure,” and nothing more, it isn’t an open invitation for you to continue on. Because then, this then pisses me off and causes me to get upset. I don’t like being that way. But you had it coming to you.
And kudos to me for not swearing.
And extra kudos to Matt swearing for me. But not at you. You didn’t deserve a response. You deserve a blog written about you.
Lastly, you need a hobby. I am all for making replica airplanes or ships in a bottle. My thoughts of what your current hobbies are (but not limited to) puppy kicking, gay bashing, swearing at little kids, and gluttony.
So please, next time you need something better to do, go masturbate. Clearly, it’s exactly what you need.
With kindest regards,