I’ve been sitting here on my couch staring at the wall for about a half hour now.
The kids and Matt are all in New Castle for the night, and I’m, well, I’m lost.
My Mom kept telling me to try to enjoy the time, saying, “When was the last time you were alone? Without anyone?” And while I see the point she’s trying to make, it’s not easy when the last 3 years has been about the kids. They are my life. There’s no other way to explain it. Sure, I love it when they nap or go to bed, but they’re here. They’re here with me.
And so, tonight, for the first time in a long time, I fully understood my husband. He travels a lot, and he feels this way a lot. And I get it. I get why he calls just to say nothing. I get why he loves the kids and and is so patient with them. He knows he’ll be gone sometimes. And he never wastes any bit of time he has with them.
While I may be home with them the most, I take the most advantage of it. I figure, they’ll be here tomorrow. I’ll have tomorrow.
But here I sit. Alone. Without them. And all I want is them.
So I put on my ITunes and I figured that this song would explain a lot of why I feel that way:
Have a great weekend, y’all.
Well I want you to notice
To notice when I’m not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound
I want to hold you
Protect you from all the things I’ve already endured
And I want to show you
To show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I’ll always love you
The way a father should love his daughter
When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I’d be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone
Sweet Zoe Jane
So I wanted to say this
‘Cause I wouldn’t know where to begin
To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been