I’ve had just about enough

Baby’s healthy, so for that, I should be very grateful. But if I could just feel better, even in the slightest, I’d be equally grateful.

I’m sure I didn’t drink enough yesterday, but the thought of peeling myself off the couch both nauseated me and left me weak at the knees even contemplating it. So I’m left with a headache that no amount of Tylenol in the world will rid of, a sore throat, achy joints and all around blah. Which of course – I can’t take anything for. And while I’ve been sick before, I’ve never been sick at 9 months pregnant, and I can honestly say, this is the worst. Because, emotionally, I’m getting my ass kicked.

I’m due in 15 days. 15. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I think. And what worries me most is that because I’m not in the best shape ever right now, I’m going to be instantly depressed after this baby arrives and left broken. And while I know that that’s just my hormones talking…I’m still listening to them. Which is equally scary.

I’m not crazy, I’m just sleep-deprived. And for no good reason.

And no one can help me, it’s just something I’m going to have to overcome eventually on my own. When my body decides that it wants to sleep. And I can handle that. I really, really can. I’m basically just fed up.

My kids deserve better than a TV babysitter. And that’s just what they’ve been getting while I’ve felt this way. And I know, I know, it’s just a few days, but still. I feel guilty. My head says, “Run! Play! Build stuff!” but my body says, “You do that, and I’ll torture you.”

It’s just a cold, seriously. But it is seriously kicking my ass. And I’ve had just about enough.

I work tomorrow. I have 4 shifts left. Only 4. And to call off if I’m still feeling this way tonight makes me sad. I like my job. And I like the thought of leaving my house, helping others, being Cassie. However – if being sick is bad, being 9 months pregnant trumps all. And of course – I’d listen to my body. I just hate letting others down.

Clearly, this is a rant of a tired person. And I’m super sorry if it’s slightly brought you down. If you need a good laugh, read Bachelor Girl’s Dog, Chihuahua’s rant over at her blog. It was a well-needed laugh for me yesterday.

And seriously, I’ll be fine. I almost feel better just having written this. So I guess it’s a good thing I have one of these blog things.

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About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on January 27, 2011, in Cassie and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Hugshugshugshugshugshugshugshugshugs…HUGS!!!

  2. Been there buddy. With Laynie I didn’t sleep the last 3 months for many of the same reasons. I’m thinking of you.

    Have you ever tried sleep music? I am a life long insomniac. About 2 years ago I downloaded Liquid Mind Sleep by Chuck Wild on my ipod. I put it on low and I am out within a half hour. I have it set so it turns off at the end of the album. Then I play solitaire on the ipod in the dark, which helps to convince my eyes that they’re as tired as the rest of me. As someone who always had trouble sleeping, its a lifesaver.

    And I’m willing to bet its a girl – boys don’t torture their mommies quite as much. 🙂

    • I used to listen to music before bed, but our bedside cd player broke. Matt and I both enjoyed it. I should probably re-invest in it. I used this CD that I would use during massages. It was fabulous.

  3. Try not to feel too guilty over the tv babysitter. After all, you’re babysitting the little one inside of you who is sucking away all of the energy your cold hasn’t stolen from you. And that little one needs you to do exactly what you’re doing, resting.

    And if all that working out at the gym hasn’t kept you in great shape, well then I don’t know what will!

    Stay strong and take it easy. Two more weeks and you’ll be able to sleep on your back again, even if it is only in two hour increments. Almost there!

    • And see – the funny thing about two hour increments is that I actually do well with them. I get my full night’s sleep with just random interruptions. And as I get more and more used to it, it gets really easy. It’s these 5 hour blocks of being awake during the night that just about kill me!

      I’m almost there…

  4. Seems to me that a sick nurse does not belong in a hospital, possibly doing more harm than good.

    Relax, sister, and take care of yourself. The hospital will still be there functioning without you. You’ve done more than enough there to earn 2 week’s rest before birthing that baby.

    Take it!

    Be strong for the home stretch! bluz

    • Meh. I think right at this point and time I’m just exhausted. I plan on napping this afternoon. I have SUCH BIG PLANS I tell ya.

      I like working, even if it is just a few days a week. Sitting around the house and watching myself like a ticking timebomb is a really boring sport.

  5. Hang in there! Keeping my fingers crossed you feel better soon.

  6. WORD to everything Jessica said. And thanks for the plug, Cassie! I’m glad Chihuahua and I could make you feel even a tiny bit better!

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