Stuff my patients say
Gosh I missed work.
It’s Saturday! That means it was a work day! Let us catch up on the fun things my patients say, eh?
Patient: You’re the most beautiful nurse I’ve seen in a long time. Every time you come in the room you make my heart flutter.
Me: You’re the one.
twenty minutes later…
Patient: So…um, my implanted defibrillator just went off while I was in the bathroom.
Me: So, I should probably stop coming in here, then, huh?
(He was fine, by the way. Just a brief malfunction.)
Me: Are you having any pain?
Me: ARE YOU HAVING ANY PAIN?
Patient: Why can’t you talk?
Me: YOUR PAIN! DO YOU HAVE ANY?
Patient: I’m a pain?
Me: NOOOO! PAIN! ARE YOU IN ANY?
Patient: I didn’t think I was that much of a bother. I’ll try to stop.
Me: NO, DEAR! YOU’RE SWEET. BUT I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE COMFORTABLE!
Patient: Oh hell. I’m a million years old. Who’s comfortable at that age?
Patient: How ’bout them Buckies?
Me: You mean Buccos?
Patient: Oh shit. Can I claim stupidity on being old?
Me: You’re 67, sir.
Me: Go Buccos?
Patient: GO BUCCOS!
(I’ll bring you more next week. My job never gets old.)