the deck of my despair

Last year we added on to our deck because the previous owners thought stairs were unnecessary when you’re 12 feet up in the air. Instead of adding on a simple set of stairs, we built this monstrosity that has a lower level and then stairs that go to the ground.

I used to think it was awesome and beautiful, but now I just plain hate it.

Today was deck staining day. Matt took off the week to prep and stain it and I said I’d help out some. What it turned into was Matt doing all the prep work and me doing a lot of the staining. See, Matt’s a perfectionist personified. He takes his time and makes sure that each brush stroke counts.

I just try to make sure that I don’t miss a spot.

Sometimes I wonder how we work being as we’re so different…

Anywho, I stained the shit out of the deck. But. The deck in turn made me its bitch.

How, you ask?

Well. I’ll tell you.

It was going great. I had all the spindles on the old deck done and had moved onto the new deck. Now, if you remember correctly, we had recently gotten rid of a hornet’s nest after Luca got stung. Well, it would have been great if that had been the end of the story. However, it’s not.

Those bastards built another nest. ANOTHER NEST. And how did I find this new nest? I painted it. Completely unaware. All I remember was that I put my brush to the deck, felt a vibration, saw about ten yellow jackets come at me, all the while biting and stinging me. Upon further investigation, I found out that they can do that – bite and sting at the same time – and NOT DIE. That’s a lesson learned for life.

I counted about twelve spots on my hand, wrist and foot.

Surprisingly, I didn’t even swear. But the kids were napping during this debacle, so I should have let some swears fly. Let’s just say Matt felt bad for me.

So, after I recovered, I went back out to continue on…but I steered clear of the stinging area. While I was inside sulking, Matt thought he had taken care of the nest, but it was no where near where I had gotten stung at.

Turns out those bastards BUILT TWO NESTS. TWO.

I painted the one. And it wasn’t until my neighbor came over to bullshit with Matt that he saw it, and then, being the wonderful neighbor he is, killed it.

Love thy neighbor.

And I got stain in my eye.

And I got sunburned.

Today wasn’t my day.

And tomorrow I get to wake up and do the same thing.

Hopefully without the yellow jackets.


Those bastards.



About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on July 9, 2011, in Cassie. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. I’m surprised you didn’t go all Viking on their ass and burn the whole deck down.

    • Don’t think I didn’t want to, Bluz. Matt has been killing them one by one, and enjoying it every time. He’ll even say, “That’s for Luca,” or “That’s for my wife! Die!!!”

  2. Geez, man! Sorry about the stings and bites. That really sucks.

  3. Gah! We used to have wood siding on our house growing up, and my mom would take it upon herself to repaint it every few years, and hornets would build bazillions of nests under the eaves of our house, and she would spend half of her painting time trying not to die.

    I’m really not sure I’m meant to live outside of a condo, but I sure do respect you.

    • That’s horrible. My husband has this stuff called Apicide that pretty much takes care of them, but he took the old nest down before they all died, so they built a new one. Bastards.

      I’ve always wanted to live in a condo. Perhaps I’ll do that in my old age. Screw this manual labor b.s.

  4. How often does one have to stain a deck? That’s not a one time thing? Mark and I are like that too. He is an extreme perfectionist and I just get it done as quickly as possible. In fact, I hate to paint rooms with him because he goes behind me and points out all the spots he claims I missed and won’t use painters tape. So I just paint while he’s not home and he never knows the difference.

    I’m with Bluz, I probably would have take gasoline to their asses.

    • Well, we stained our deck about 4 years ago, and here we are again. But this time we got a paint-stain that is meant for high amounts of sun as ours gets and typically lasts 10 years between stainings. But at least now our decks match finally and we don’t look quite so white-trash.

      And OH. MY. GOSH. Matt is the SAME way as Mark. Are they twins separated at birth?

  5. BOOOOO hiss boo. Hornets are the worst. We have red wasps nesting in the eave above our front door, but at least they don’t come at you en masse.

    Show us photos of this beautiful deck. Then we will fawn all over you and your handiness and make all the pain worth it.

  6. The first house is usually a front… a dummy house, a “bait house,” meant to throw you off of the real house. They probably also hacked into your phone, hijacked your cable, and stole your identity. They’re probably charging little hornet vacations and watching hornet porn on your card right now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: