Sometimes you just have to stop
You know when you get that feeling like you could run forever? Well, today wasn’t one of those days. Today I ran two miles as fast as I could just because. I didn’t want to and I certainly didn’t want to run fast, but I did. And after I finished running, I got into my car and cried.
I’ll get to my past weekend here on the next post (probably later today) but I had to write this first.
Yesterday I got a massage in the morning and then I went to the Penguins game that night. Overall, it was awesome. The game was so fantastic, I can’t even describe it. We were down 4-1, we looked tired, sloppy and just blah. Then we scored another goal, then another and when there was six seconds left in the 3rd period, Geno scored again, making it 4-4. Unreal. We were giving everyone around us high tens and screaming at the top of our lungs. It was unreal. Then we won in a shoot out.
I couldn’t have picked a better game to go to.
This morning I woke up feeling guilty that I even went and that I had gotten that massage. I still hadn’t gone grocery shopping for the week and it’s Wednesday. I had promised to go running with a friend and yet my house was a wreck. I still haven’t received Maelie’s social security card yet, so I can’t file taxes yet, and this translates into me having to drag three kids to the social security office to find out why the heck that didn’t happen. And somehow a 20,000 dollar check got lost in the mail to PNC bank to transfer my car loan. Plus, I still need to work on my speed for spin.
On my way to meet my friend to go for a run, there was workers on my road so I had to wait. Then 28 was backed up and I had to detour through Lawrenceville during lunch hour. Stupid. Needless to say, my friend had her run done before I even parked because she had to get back to work.
I parked the car off the trail and ran the island as fast as I could. On a normal day, where my legs aren’t tired, I would have gone much faster, but this wasn’t about the speed. It was an emotional run. I was angry. At myself, at the government, at PennDOT, at the USPS. When I stopped, and finished crying, I realized that I can only control myself. And it’ll get done.
But I’m just so tired. My legs are tired from the past weekend. My brain is tired from over thinking. And all I want to do is stop, but I can’t. I’ve been pounding on my body for almost a year and I wouldn’t change a thing. You don’t build endurance over night. You don’t wake up suddenly stronger. And those two miles that I ran today were two more than a defeated person would have done.
So I freaked out. I came home, cleaned the house and now I’m over it. Tonight I’ll go grocery shopping and next week I’ll deal with Social Security. The bank is resending a check for me to pay off the car loan and 28 will be annoying until 2013. The things I can control, I will take care of and the other things I’ll just have to let roll off my back.
I got a text from Matt reminding me of two days ago before I was stressed out. He forwarded a photo I had sent to him.
And sometimes, when shit gets rough, you have to remember to breathe. And have fun. (Thanks, Matt for the reminder.)