Sometimes you just have to stop

You know when you get that feeling like you could run forever? Well, today wasn’t one of those days. Today I ran two miles as fast as I could just because. I didn’t want to and I certainly didn’t want to run fast, but I did. And after I finished running, I got into my car and cried.

I’ll get to my past weekend here on the next post (probably later today) but I had to write this first.

Yesterday I got a massage in the morning and then I went to the Penguins game that night. Overall, it was awesome. The game was so fantastic, I can’t even describe it. We were down 4-1, we looked tired, sloppy and just blah. Then we scored another goal, then another and when there was six seconds left in the 3rd period, Geno scored again, making it 4-4. Unreal. We were giving everyone around us high tens and screaming at the top of our lungs. It was unreal. Then we won in a shoot out.

I couldn’t have picked a better game to go to.

This morning I woke up feeling guilty that I even went and that I had gotten that massage. I still hadn’t gone grocery shopping for the week and it’s Wednesday. I had promised to go running with a friend and yet my house was a wreck. I still haven’t received Maelie’s social security card yet, so I can’t file taxes yet, and this translates into me having to drag three kids to the social security office to find out why the heck that didn’t happen. And somehow a 20,000 dollar check got lost in the mail to PNC bank to transfer my car loan. Plus, I still need to work on my speed for spin.

On my way to meet my friend to go for a run, there was workers on my road so I had to wait. Then 28 was backed up and I had to detour through Lawrenceville during lunch hour. Stupid. Needless to say, my friend had her run done before I even parked because she had to get back to work.

I parked the car off the trail and ran the island as fast as I could. On a normal day, where my legs aren’t tired, I would have gone much faster, but this wasn’t about the speed. It was an emotional run. I was angry. At myself, at the government, at PennDOT, at the USPS. When I stopped, and finished crying, I realized that I can only control myself. And it’ll get done.

But I’m just so tired. My legs are tired from the past weekend. My brain is tired from over thinking. And all I want to do is stop, but I can’t. I’ve been pounding on my body for almost a year and I wouldn’t change a thing. You don’t build endurance over night. You don’t wake up suddenly stronger. And those two miles that I ran today were two more than a defeated person would have done.

So I freaked out. I came home, cleaned the house and now I’m over it. Tonight I’ll go grocery shopping and next week I’ll deal with Social Security. The bank is resending a check for me to pay off the car loan and 28 will be annoying until 2013. The things I can control, I will take care of and the other things I’ll just have to let roll off my back.

I got a text from Matt reminding me of two days ago before I was stressed out. He forwarded a photo I had sent to him.

And sometimes, when shit gets rough, you have to remember to breathe. And have fun. (Thanks, Matt for the reminder.)

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About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on February 1, 2012, in Cassie. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. And, you know, it IS ok to take a break, even when shit is piling up around you. Sometimes taking a step back for a short while is the only way to get it done. Also, missing one run with sore hips isn’t going to ruin your endurance, just saying. Take care of yourself!

    So glad you got a night out at the hockey game, nachos and a massage. You deserve it!

  2. I see it more as ‘speed training’. We all have our days. MWWUUUUAAAAA!

  3. I’m just stoked that you got to see last night’s game. I was at home watching the game and losing my freakin’ mind in the third period. I hope I didn’t alarm the neighbors.

    Now, just remember this post, the next time you’re afraid things are piling up. Control what you can control and hang the rest. Wheel and deal.

    Yeah, I know, easier said than done. But you’re that tough.

  4. Yes. THANK YOU, MATT! Love you, sweetie!

  5. I’m sorry, are you telling me people leave work to run and then go back?! That’s even crazier than the people who climb stairs in their office buildings during lunch. My lunches may include healthy foods (usually), but they also involve sitting on my butt and watching “South Park”. Oops.

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