Awe stuck

I had a pretty big realization today.

I’m seriously loved.

And I’m not saying that in a, LOVE ME, kind of way. I’m saying it in a, I had no idea that that many people cared, kind of way.

In the world of facebook and ‘friends’, it’s hard to decipher between those who truly care versus those who ‘like’ your stuff just to ‘like’ it. Or because it’s witty. Or because it’s true.

The amount of real, honest, kind outpouring I’ve received since yesterday’s post about being afraid has been amazing. It’s touched my heart in ways, I honestly never knew possible.

I’ve gotten emails from my Grandma and my dad. (I love saying my Grandma emails me.) Texts from friends. Facebook posts from my aunt and even my brother. (Let me tell you, that nearly made me cry. My brother isn’t usually up to speed with things and thoughtfulness. He’s a nice boy, but, well, a boy. How. Freaking. Thoughtful.)

And furthermore, people honestly willing to help me.

I’ve been put on a modified bed rest as of late, just more for comfort and healing, being told to ‘not over do it.’ Which, of course, in my life, is really next to impossible.

Matt has been phenomenal, even with a demanding job. But this morning, he was able to go into the office for a few hours because of my mom who took the first 2 hour shift and a long time friend, Melissa, who took the next 3 hour shift.

Now, of course, there are times when you come to rely on family. I mean, that’s what they’re there for, right? But family also has lives, work, children – and they just can’t always be there.

When I got the text from Melissa saying she’d be more than willing to come help out, given she could be freed before 6 pm soccer practice, I was awe struck. I’ve known her since working together at Fridays and we’ve been facebook friends and even real life friends, but nothing like, talk every day kind of thing. She’s just always been super supportive. I also think we’re a lot alike.

She’s just generally a nice person and fun to be around. And clearly, willing to help a friend.

I’m not usually one to ask for help. It’s like pulling teeth to get me to ask for help of any sort. It’s really an awful thing to suffer from. But especially when it comes to my kids, I’m very hands on. The way I’ve always viewed it is, I chose to have them in the world, they’re my responsibility. I don’t feel that other people should have to help me out, regardless if you’re family or not.

Over the years I’ve learned to relax. And since yesterday, when I nervously texted Melissa back asking if 10 was an acceptable time to come over, I realized that it’s not about me at this point. If I want to get better to get baby better, then I damn well better be ready to accept help. And I also need to realize that if someone’s offering, they probably mean it.

So wasn’t it a huge change in my mother in law’s voice today when she asked if she could help me out, when I quickly answered, “Yes.”

She paused, and then said, “Oh! OK! How’s 10?”

Every single one of those comments written yesterday I read twice and took to heart. I even cried over them. The amount of kindness and honesty is unreal. I feel overjoyed at the outpouring and a little less alone.

I’m still afraid that something’s going to happen and baby won’t make it, but if this baby can survive on positive thoughts alone, I think we’re in the clear. I have people that I never knew fully cared sending me positive thoughts.

My OB said this morning, “I know you are thinking to yourself, you didn’t originally plan this baby, and even maybe considered it a burden, but know this – you did nothing to make this happen. You can’t wish a baby away. It just is. You’re doing everything you can, and that’s all you can do. We’re in this together.”

And that’s when I shouted, “BEST. OB. EVER.”

I know that a few weeks ago I was on here crying about how I’m pregnant and woe is me, and it’s still true, and I still stand by those feelings, but those were feelings of two months ago. I’m all in now. Me and baby, we’re a team. And to come this far to acceptance and love and then to possibly lose it? Not cool.

So I’m staying positive. I’ve dubbed this baby Thor, and while it’s totally not gender neutral, (so no calling this baby he, man,) it’s a tough name. It’s a fighter. And one thing I know about me and where I come from, we fight. We’re survivors and we don’t put up with shit.

I’m on team Baby.

Now I just have to get shirts made.



About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on August 22, 2012, in Cassie. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Team Baby. You’ll need a lot of t-shirts 🙂 Love, your Mom (the first one to love you…)

  2. You know those shirts will now be sent to your family from at least one reader/friend/family member right??

  3. TEAM BABY! I am so glad you have wonderful friends to help you in any way possible. I know i didn’t post yesterday but don’t hold it against me…I didn’t know what to say on it since I said it everything when we talked all day on IM yesterday…I mean, I worked really hard at work and spoke to you strictly on my lunch break ;). I think/hope you know I am here for you too. Not in the same city or state but just a phone call or text away (minus the nekked pictures as previously mentioned). I think you are pretty awesome and all will be okay.

  4. I’m so thankful for your amazing friends and family. We’re all here for you and we’re all on Team Baby.

  5. I am so glad that you feel less alone – yay for supportive and thoughtful family and friends! And yay for your wonderful, sympathetic OB!
    Also, it is great how you can process your feelings and thoughts, and it is great that you know when to ask for/accept help. Your baby can only be a fighter, with such a Mom…
    I am cheering for Team Baby from the sidelines!

  6. It can truly be a kindness and form of generosity to others, to let them help out.
    It gives them the opportunity to be “Blessed to be a Blessing.”

    All best wishes coming your way from here!

  7. Of course you’re loved, ya knucklehead. You think we’ve been blowing smoke up your pantleg these last couple years? Now get off your feet and get yourself better. Sounds like the cavalry is coming…

  8. Katie and I have a mutual friend who did name her son Thor. So that’s always an option. It’s great that you have such an awesome doctor. I wish everyone could be as fortunate. Hang in there and try to relax (says one obnoxious nonstop go-getter to another).

  9. unapologeticallymundane

    I have a friend whose son is actually named Thor. So, you know, don’t rule it out. Or do, because it’s been done. Call him Thar instead. Which sounds entirely redneck. Which you are, I learned today, after that Applebee’s incident.

    OMG, I just saw that Noel mentioned Thor already! Dammit!

    Well, anyway, sometimes I wish you could wish babies away–like, you know, when I’m out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in three months and her kid has just thrown up on me while I was pretending to care about it–but you can’t, as your OB said, so keep taking it easy, woman, and enjoy your excuse to eat those nachos.

  10. So nice to hear (read) that you’re back to your normal ass kicking self.
    Naming Louie ‘Brutus’ while he was still cooking was a great way to ease my fears of a repeat from the year before. Gave him a fightin name.
    You are loved, deservedly so. You know where I am. If I can help, I would love to.

  11. Sorry to hear about all you’re going through but glad you have such wonderful support 🙂 It feels great to be loved doesn’t it? 🙂 Get some rest and GO TEAM BABY!!!!

  12. There are accidental lessons I’ve learned in life, such as…

    a) sometimes it takes a trial to reveal just how many people are really in your corner, through the hard times as well as the good times,

    and b) sometimes being forced to slow the f*ck down and stare at the ceiling for a while can be a blessing of its own.

    Wish I could offer concrete help, but we are thinking of you and praying for you.

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