Days 19, 20 and 21: SCH edition

Who in the world would be grateful for an SCH?

I guess I would be.

I wasn’t grateful for the fear it gave me or the constant dread that I was going to lose the baby, but here’s how I am thankful for the way it changed my life.

Making me a better instructor:

When I was diagnosed with the SCH, I wasn’t able to teach my classes the way I used to. Instead, I had to verbally coach and figure out how the heck to explain to someone how to do a reverse crunch without physically showing them. It was extremely frustrating in the beginning and I felt like the biggest loser in the world, but then something happened, and I realized I could make the most of it, or stop teaching.

I decided to continue on. With RPM, I was able to walk around the room and fix the members’ form. A lot of people had their bikes set up wrong, handle bars far too high and weren’t pulling their hips far back enough. I was able to start pushing them on their speed and resistance. Some have improved, some have not. Some just don’t want that push, but the ones that did want the push have excelled. I’ve noticed that at least half my class are now all on as if it’s synchronized biking. They’ve learned that if I’m not on the bike, then they have to use the person next to them to challenge.

Most of all, I found my voice.

Making me accept help:

I hate asking for help. It’s not because I think I’m superwoman and can do it all, it’s that I don’t like others having to do what should be my work. For example, I chose to have three kids, therefore, they’re my responsibility, no one else’s. (Aside from Matt, of course.) I chose to have a house, so I shouldn’t ask for someone to help me pick up. I teach classes at the gym, I shouldn’t have to pawn them off.

But when the SCH first appeared, I was put on bed rest for a week.

Can I tell you how awful bed rest is? And how on earth can some do it for months? I had to ask for help. Matt was helpful, of course, but he also had a really busy job and I couldn’t keep asking him to stay home with me. Instead, I asked my family and even a friend who has kids of her own, but offered to help. And it was wonderful. I hated asking for anything at all, but it was so nice to know people didn’t feel obligated to do it, they wanted to.

Making me accept having this baby:

We all know this. I wasn’t thrilled to be pregnant again. But I didn’t want that to define the baby I was in fact going to have. I didn’t want the baby to feel as if it’s a burden, but I had the hardest time getting over it. I finally started to accept it and even got a little excited, and then I bled.

In the car, I told myself that this was it, that all my negative thoughts had finally up and ruined something that could be super awesome.

But then I heard the heartbeat, and I cried.

It was so hard to accept that I was finally 100% in and baby wasn’t. Turns out, baby was. Baby has always been all in. And instead of being burdened with an unexpected pregnancy as a defining characteristic of baby, baby decided that it wanted to prove that it’s the toughest baby on the planet. That will be baby’s defining characteristic. That this baby won’t let something like a giant bleed keep it from being in our lives.

This baby taught me that being negative is OK for a little bit – that it’s human. But there comes a time where you have to suck it up and accept that this may very well be the best thing to ever happen.

I’m thankful for life’s unexpected surprises. For the smiles on my kids’ faces when they feel the baby kicking into their hands. For the 2 am, “Hey ma, I’m here still,” kicks. For the hiccups. For the surprises that are yet to come.

Have a very happy Thanksgiving, and remember to be thankful, even if it’s not always the best thing in the beginning. The best is yet to come.

About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on November 21, 2012, in Cassie. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I know having the unexpected pregnancy and then the SCH on top of it and all the restrictions it carried created one of the most difficult times of your life. I know that it sucked and you felt like you had nowhere to turn. But I’m so impressed and proud of you for making it over the hill, looking back and having the courage to acknowledge that it somehow made you better. This baby is going to learn a lot of good things from its mama.

  2. Sometimes I feel like a broken record when I tell you, again and again, that I think you’re a great person… But I do, so I can’t help it! I like your self-reflection and insight a lot.

    In March and April, I had to go on bed rest for almost four weeks due to problems with my back. It kind of sucked, but, to be honest, in the beginning I was in so much pain the only thing I was interested in was being able to find a position that allowed me to sleep longer than an hour at a time. At the end I kind of struggled with it, but then again I had already been in bed for weeks and was kind of used to it. I read a lot of books, crocheted and had time to think – a lot of time! And, like you, I can find a lot of positive things in the whole thing. Although I did not really manage to ask for help (kudos to you!), it made me reevaluate my life and organise everything differently. My body seems to have a way to force me to take a break when I am too stubborn to do so on my own…

    • Trust me, if I didn’t have the kids, I wouldn’t have asked for help. I’m so stubborn, too. It’s interesting how when you’re forced to slow down, we realize how much we take for granted.

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