I just can’t stop
I just can’t stop looking at the photos of those beautiful children who were killed Friday. Their bright, happy, care-free smiles. I can’t.
I want to, but I can’t.
I have a problem with internalizing things too far. I hear a story like Jerry Sandusky and the awful things he did and it sticks with me. I read the claims from the boys and it haunts me. I imagine what it must have looked like to be there and it brings me to tears.
I don’t know why I do this. I just care way too much. I think I’ve always been this way – too caring. I take plastic bottles out of garbage cans and put them into recycle bins. I refuse to watch the local news because it’ll only upset me. I follow stories like the Sandy Hook tragedy and I can’t sleep. I imagine what it must have looked like. How scared those kids must have been. How they didn’t understand what was going on. How all they wanted was their mom and dad.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
Is it just me? Am I alone in this? Because it breaks my heart in ways I didn’t know my heart was capable of breaking in. It’s not just pregnancy hormones. It’s true, raw sadness. I’m so sad over this. Not just as a parent but as a human being.
It feels like a bad dream. A dream half of America can’t wake up from. Those children…those children. I can’t shake their beautiful faces from my memory.
Oh how I wish this was just a dream.