To each his own

I’ve been on this SCH support group page since I was first diagnosed way back when. It’s through Baby Center and hundreds of women follow it in hopes that our support can magically heal our SCH. And most women on the board think they know more than their doctors.

I understand that desperation, as clearly, I was there once, seeking out the group. But if I’ve learned anything over the course of my pregnancy, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop the SCH from a.) forming and b.) healing. It just is what it is and that’s all it is. A nuisance, a scare, and sometimes the cause of a miscarriage. But I’m pretty convinced at this point that the SCH doesn’t necessarily cause the miscarriage, rather, it was a doomed pregnancy to start with.

Take me for example. I’ve done all the things I normally do with minimal changes due to pregnancy in general and I’m doing just fine for now. Some other women on the board are on strict bed rest, no lifting ANYTHING, no sex, no moving – just to pee, showering once a week and just trying to remember to breathe – and then sometimes they lose their baby.

I’m a huge advocate of knowing your body and knowing your limits. If you do that, then it’s easier to know what you’re capable of in any situation.

I guess I’m a bit of an anomaly since I know when I’m pregnant without even taking a test. I’m super in tune with my body, like it or not.

So any how, I’m never going to tell someone to do something they don’t feel comfortable with, especially during pregnancy with complications. That said, a few weeks ago, a woman posted on the board saying she had stopped bleeding, she felt great, SCH was still there, but she felt more confident. She asked the group their thoughts on her doing yoga, after her doctor said it was fine.

They ripped her apart.

How dare she even think to do that. How can she be so selfish? It’s only 9 months! Give up your body for 9 months! Don’t do anything but breathe! Drink water! Put your feet up!

Sure, she should have known better than to ask them, but still. It was uncalled for.

To say I got irritated would be an understatement. I privately messaged the woman and told her my tale and she appreciated it a lot. She was so put off by those women and their attacking like nature, she felt like the worst gestating mother ever.

Today, I wrote on the board, to give hope to those women out there who are like me. Here’s what I wrote:

Hello! I was diagnosed at 12 weeks with an 11 cm sch on three sides of baby (so basically three times the size of baby at the time.) my doctor, who has recorded awards from the UPMC system (a number 10 hospital in the US, so she knows her stuff.) kept me calm, in check and safe during this. I did one week of soft bed rest, about 8 weeks of pelvic rest, but when I stopped bleeding about two weeks after, I began doing life as normally as I could. I have three kids aged five and under, I am a nurse, and I teach fitness classes (including spin and core.) 

I’m not saying jump in and ignore the sch, but for me, personally, had I continued to not do anything my depression would have gotten way worse and I would have further jeopardized baby. I did what my body said I should do and that’s all any of us can do. 

I’m posting this because if it gives someone hope to know that I went back to normal life, spinning and weight lifting and all, and still have a normal, healthy, thriving baby at 32 weeks, maybe others can, too. I technically graduated at 30 weeks, but I hadn’t had an ultrasound between weeks 18 and 30. So who knows when it really resolved. 

Having an sch is scary. I won’t lie. It’s what I had to do for me, and I don’t feel guilty. I’m proud of all of us for doing what we feel we should do. This is hard! So hang on, stay strong, and in a few weeks or months, we’ll see those beautiful babies.

We can’t live in a hole, people. Yes, it’s only 9 months. And yes, we probably should be a little less selfish, but honestly, the mind is a powerful thing and to take away something you love so dearly, when clearly you’re healthy enough and your doctor is on your side, it could be detrimental. When I had PPD, it tore me apart. Worse than any illness or injury ever has. It nearly broke me.

I’m not ever going to tell those women to be quiet. It’s what they need to do to make themselves feel better. And I get it, because we feel so very out of control and if that’s the only thing we feel like we can take control of, so be it.

But please don’t push it on others.

Advertisements

About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on January 4, 2013, in Cassie and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Anytime I’ve read any pregnancy or birth forums, I’ve seen this kind of thing happen, and it’s maddening to me! Like you said, to each his own, whether that’s referring to labor and birthing options or how you handle your pregnancy…and it always kills me when women are so judgmental and dogmatic about someone’s life when they don’t even know them.

    • Agreed. I love it when someone says, “I want to cloth diaper” and people automatically say, “HA! Good luck! It’ll last a week.” Or, “I plan on having a natural child birth,” and they poo poo it. SHUT UP, MAN. It’s your choice only! Sheesh!

      • Oh my gosh, that’s my biggest pet peeve from my entire pregnancy, because I’m planning/hoping for both of those things. I try to not even mention the unmedicated birth one unless someone asks or brings it up because I can’t deal with the negativity! Like you said 1) none of your beeswax what I do/want to do and 2) I think a lot of women end up not having the kind of birth that they want (or succeeding with something like cloth diapering) because they’ve been hearing that they won’t be able to do it from EVERYone for the past nine months.

        Fortunately for me, Jeff is super-supportive and counters any of the positivity-vampires (one morning I woke up to find post-it notes all around the house that say things like, “Your body knows how to have this baby,” “This is what you want. You can do this,” “You will have the energy and stamina to birth our baby”).

        While I’m ranting…I also get super-annoyed when anything comes up about free time, sleeping, etc. and someone chimes in with something like, “HA! Enjoy THAT while you can!” Like, “Joke’s on you for having a baby! It totally sucks!!!”

      • YES! I could write a whole post dedicated to that last part.

        Your husband sounds a lot like mine. Had I ever of wanted a natural birth, he would have been so supportive. But for me, AND ME ONLY, I say bring on the drugs. I did natural with pitocin for about 5 hours with Claire, and that was enough for me. But, that said, YOU can do this. YOU have a birth plan. I kind of just knew she had to come out one way or another…

        My favorite is when new mothers (to children under the age of 1) say, “I HAVE NO TIME FOR ANYTHING!” What, praytell do you do when they baby is sleeping 18 hours a day? Yes, you have time to shower. Yes, you have time to nap. Yes, you have time to read. It’s hard. It takes adjustment, but if you want to, you really can. I mean, I’m weird. I painted my whole first floor in an afternoon with two kids under the age of 2. (I don’t recommend that.) Point being, if you have the will, you’ll find the way.

  2. Haha…”I kind of just knew she had to come out one way or another…” And exactly, I would never, ever judge someone for choosing drugs just because I’ve chosen to try without (and I always say ‘try’ because I recognize that I have no concept of labor until I’m in it…I’ve just done everything I can to set myself up for success and we’ll see what happens!).

    Re: the no time thing – I love hearing about your experience/perspective because I feel like you’re realistic but still positive, which is the way I try to be and want to be once the baby comes. Yeah, it’ll be hard, but it doesn’t mean our lives are over!

    • And seriously, Linds, I’m just an email away. So anything you need, I’m here. And trust me, I’ve been there.

      I live by the motto: When your kid graduates high school, they won’t be required to answer if your mom had drugs or not during your labor. So. Do what you feel is right and go from there.

      And try you will. I know you’ll do everything you can. Just breathe through it. You have the mental precursor that I never had, of going in knowing that drugs won’t be an option. So trust in that.

      • Yeah, it’s an interesting line to walk to be like, “I can do this, I want to do this, drugs are not an option” but also accepting that I have to be okay with it if drugs are necessary for me to have a vaginal birth. I do feel prepared (as I can be) and confident, though.

        And thanks! I appreciate knowing you’re an email away with all your mom-of-almost-4-kids wisdom!

  3. Thanks for posting this! I’ve been on bedrest due to a SCH for a week now and its been driving me nuts! My doctor said that I could start to do a few more normal things — I asked if I could do a light breast-stroke at my gym and she said that I was asking crazy questions. No picking up my son, etc. It is really hard but I am going to start moving a little more! Its good for my mind and spirit.

    • As I always say, take your doctor seriously. However, if you’re not bleeding, you have no placental involvement and baby is looking good and healthy, a little walk here and there shouldn’t be so awful. But that’s just me, and I’m not a doctor!

      Hang in there, and check in from time to time and let me know how you’re doing!

  4. That sentiment about time is sooooo true. C will be 4 weeks on Saturday. I’ve done some type of exercise everyday for the last 3 weeks. I’ve gone to the grocery store, Walgreens, and to get takeout by myself. We’ve taken her out to breakfast and dinner. It can be done, it just takes planning and flexibility. 99% of the time she’s slept while I’ve been gone or we’ve been out. The times she’s fussed? She recovered just fine once fed/changed. I can’t tell you how many people have judged me for that. “How can you leave her for even an hour?” “You can’t work out until 6 weeks post baby!” If I didn’t do this stuff, I would feel like crap. But that’s me. Every baby is different and every person is different. We should be encouraging, not putting each other down. And trying to one up another mom with how much you’ve sacrificed compared to her? Who is that helping? They don’t give out awards for any of this stuff. Do what you can, and as someone very wise told me yesterday, as long as baby is fed, diapered, and loved, they’ll be fine.

    • Exactly! And the only thing I ever mentioned to you was that just make sure your bleeding stays in check, otherwise run, run, run!!

      I’m proud of you! It’s not easy, takes a lot of adjustment time, but so worth it.

      • Having an NP as a husband has it’s perks. Everything down there is cool. And I’m running a 10k next Sunday. Because I can. And because it feels great and I know I’ll feel better about myself afterwards. And that makes me a better mom. I’m still learning and by no means have this figured out, but each day I’ve been able to find a small victory, even if it’s just having time to eat a cookie. Which is very important.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: