No weigh

Listen, guys. There’s very little that I won’t answer. I’m pretty open and honest when someone asks a question. It’s just who I am. I have nothing to hide.

At the gym yesterday I had so much fun. I’m talking dripping in sweat, muscles shaking, endorphins running amok, fun. Someone there commented on how it must be nice being back to my pre-pregnancy body.

It’s a running joke at the gym that they forgot I just had a baby, because I didn’t take a formal maternity leave. I was back a week later coaching and two weeks later on the bike. That’s not being said to brag, it’s just who I am. I feel loyalty to the members and I simply love what I do.

Am I back to my pre-pregnancy weight? Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

No. No I’m not.

One thing women don’t talk about is weight. Well, we talk about weight, but we don’t talk numbers.

I’m going to talk numbers.

I’m 5’8″. And I currently weigh 158.

Yesterday I posted this on facebook:

I know that sometimes we as women focus solely on what numbers we see on the scale. Today, I weighed in at 158 which is 8 pounds away from my pre-Audrey weight. I say this, because while I still have weight to lose, right now in body pump I’m lifting more than I ever have and in RPM I’m pushing myself harder than ever. So yes, while I still have a jiggle here and a pound or two there, I don’t really care what that scale says. Because my body says, “You are awesome.”

And that’s the truth of it all. I have weight to lose, yes. Does it ruin my day that I have weight to lose? Not really. For one, it’s fun seeing improvement and also, I work out all the time. Weight loss seems inevitable when there’s room to lose.

Do I have a goal in mind? Of course I do. I’d love to be back to 140. It was easy to maintain and I felt the most content with my body at that weight. Would it ruin my life if I stuck in the upper 140’s? Not at all.

I know it’s scary to throw a number out there. Body weight is such a personal thing, just as pant size or even bra size. But the problem is, there’s such a misconception of how much someone should weigh.

Before I was pregnant with Audrey, when I’d tell someone I weighed 150 (or 148 on a good day) they would say they were shocked. They guessed I’d weigh less than that. At first it made me think, “Wow, what am I doing wrong to not be in the 130’s?” And then I realized that it’s just what it is. We’re so messed up as a society on body weight because of shows like America’s Next Top Model where these women weigh in at 110 and are 5’10”.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that being 117 pounds and 5’8″ was painful to keep up. When I came home from the Army, that’s exactly what I weighed. I lost 17 pounds and ended up breaking my pelvis. Because of that, when I came home, I couldn’t run to keep up with the weight loss and gained it back. My body just didn’t like that feeling, and my brain didn’t even more so and ended up dealing with an eating disorder of sorts. I felt so happy yet beat down when I comfortably fit into size 5 jeans again, just like when I left the basic training.

I ended up getting help and got better, and then ended up on the other end at 168 on my wedding day.

So. I’ve been on both ends. I know what I like and I know what I can do to make it happen, healthfully.

Do I diet? No. I have no self control when it comes to dieting. I’m pretty sure that if I took the time to do calorie counting or something I could easily be back to pre-Audrey weight, but alas, I like to bake. I don’t overdo the calorie intake, though. I drink water over juice or other calorie filled drinks, eat healthfully most of the time and limit processed foods.

Those are all doable things for me.

And I exercise a lot. Because that’s not only good for me and my heart and blah, blah, blah, but it’s also my stress reliever. It makes me happy.

So while I may have some weight to lose to get to my goal, I’ve upped my weights in Pump. I’ve added more resistance to my bike in RPM. I’ve held planks longer and I’ve done extra pushups on my toes.

I’m not a supermodel, and I’m never going to weigh 130 again, but I feel really good with where I’m at right now and that’s really all that matters.

You are what you see in the mirror, and to be honest, I like what I see because it’s much more than skin deep.


About Cassie

Two sisters from two misters. What could be more fun?

Posted on May 21, 2013, in Cassie and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. You’re right in not worrying about the total number. Muscle weighs more than fat. You’re a pretty lean 158. I heard the saying ages ago, yes, probably before you were born… “Pounds don’t count; inches do.”

  2. I love when my Wii Fit tells me a “healthy” weight for me would be 140. I’m pretty sure me at 140 would be you at 117. But everyone else’s obsession with weight only makes me feel better about my obsession with happiness.

  3. Yep. The weight thing is so off. BMI is even off. I’m a size 6 at 150 pounds. Like you, I’m also 5’8″ tall. I graduated high school around 120, but I taught cheerleading and gymnastics in my free time, and was a power tumbler and on the competitive cheerleading team. I didn’t have an ounce of fat on me. I was even approached by a creepy swim-suit store owner once, to see if I’d come model for him – blech.

    Now, I’m super thrilled when I step on the scale and it says 150 (or less on a good day). That’s a size 6. I’m so skinny at 150. I’d look like hell in the 130s. Of course, today, I’m 213. Because I’m about to pop out another baby, and I get fat when I’m pregnant. Oh wells. No big deal. It will all work its way off again.

    And you look great. So yeah, weight ain’t nothin’ but a number.

    • It will. That’s the beauty of it. If you want to lose the weight, you will. Because it takes the want to do it.

      Power tumbler sounds insane. Like, power lifter who does flips. Those girls in high school who could do all that stuff always amazed me.

  4. You look amazing exactly at the weight you’re at.

    Oh evil numbers. As someone who has fought the number and diet battle my whole life, I still won’t reveal my numbers. But I have had several nurses under guess my weight when setting the scale, so that has to count for something, right? 😉

    Way to go. Can’t wait until I can start getting back in shape again!

    • I can’t wait for you to, too! It’s fun…you know, once you’re back in shape. Because the getting back into it is painful, but worth it.

  5. You look really great, but I think the most important thing is that you feel great!
    I have a long history of body issues and eating disorders and some part of the problem always was my body weight – I always wanted a smaller number on the scale. The thing is that I always have weighed more than other people my size and height; a friend of mine in school couldn’t fit in any of my trousers even though she weighed 5 kgs less.
    I say, ditch all the numbers, and just aim for feeling as good in your body as possible. At least that’s what I’m trying to achieve, because I know that if I feel good it is easier to be active, and the more active I am, the better I feel, and so on. I just hope that this summer I can get back to swimming and/or running which I couldn’t do for the last two years due to problems with my back. I miss exercising!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: