Listen, guys. There’s very little that I won’t answer. I’m pretty open and honest when someone asks a question. It’s just who I am. I have nothing to hide.
At the gym yesterday I had so much fun. I’m talking dripping in sweat, muscles shaking, endorphins running amok, fun. Someone there commented on how it must be nice being back to my pre-pregnancy body.
It’s a running joke at the gym that they forgot I just had a baby, because I didn’t take a formal maternity leave. I was back a week later coaching and two weeks later on the bike. That’s not being said to brag, it’s just who I am. I feel loyalty to the members and I simply love what I do.
Am I back to my pre-pregnancy weight? Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
No. No I’m not.
One thing women don’t talk about is weight. Well, we talk about weight, but we don’t talk numbers.
I’m going to talk numbers.
I’m 5’8″. And I currently weigh 158.
Yesterday I posted this on facebook:
I know that sometimes we as women focus solely on what numbers we see on the scale. Today, I weighed in at 158 which is 8 pounds away from my pre-Audrey weight. I say this, because while I still have weight to lose, right now in body pump I’m lifting more than I ever have and in RPM I’m pushing myself harder than ever. So yes, while I still have a jiggle here and a pound or two there, I don’t really care what that scale says. Because my body says, “You are awesome.”
And that’s the truth of it all. I have weight to lose, yes. Does it ruin my day that I have weight to lose? Not really. For one, it’s fun seeing improvement and also, I work out all the time. Weight loss seems inevitable when there’s room to lose.
Do I have a goal in mind? Of course I do. I’d love to be back to 140. It was easy to maintain and I felt the most content with my body at that weight. Would it ruin my life if I stuck in the upper 140’s? Not at all.
I know it’s scary to throw a number out there. Body weight is such a personal thing, just as pant size or even bra size. But the problem is, there’s such a misconception of how much someone should weigh.
Before I was pregnant with Audrey, when I’d tell someone I weighed 150 (or 148 on a good day) they would say they were shocked. They guessed I’d weigh less than that. At first it made me think, “Wow, what am I doing wrong to not be in the 130’s?” And then I realized that it’s just what it is. We’re so messed up as a society on body weight because of shows like America’s Next Top Model where these women weigh in at 110 and are 5’10”.
I can tell you with 100% certainty that being 117 pounds and 5’8″ was painful to keep up. When I came home from the Army, that’s exactly what I weighed. I lost 17 pounds and ended up breaking my pelvis. Because of that, when I came home, I couldn’t run to keep up with the weight loss and gained it back. My body just didn’t like that feeling, and my brain didn’t even more so and ended up dealing with an eating disorder of sorts. I felt so happy yet beat down when I comfortably fit into size 5 jeans again, just like when I left the basic training.
I ended up getting help and got better, and then ended up on the other end at 168 on my wedding day.
So. I’ve been on both ends. I know what I like and I know what I can do to make it happen, healthfully.
Do I diet? No. I have no self control when it comes to dieting. I’m pretty sure that if I took the time to do calorie counting or something I could easily be back to pre-Audrey weight, but alas, I like to bake. I don’t overdo the calorie intake, though. I drink water over juice or other calorie filled drinks, eat healthfully most of the time and limit processed foods.
Those are all doable things for me.
And I exercise a lot. Because that’s not only good for me and my heart and blah, blah, blah, but it’s also my stress reliever. It makes me happy.
So while I may have some weight to lose to get to my goal, I’ve upped my weights in Pump. I’ve added more resistance to my bike in RPM. I’ve held planks longer and I’ve done extra pushups on my toes.
I’m not a supermodel, and I’m never going to weigh 130 again, but I feel really good with where I’m at right now and that’s really all that matters.
You are what you see in the mirror, and to be honest, I like what I see because it’s much more than skin deep.